The Nervous System Reset That Changed My Life
How I finally broke old patterns through Brainspotting
Welcome back to Take Your Time — a space where I share pieces of my world in the hope that they spark growth, reflection, and connection for all of us. Today’s letter may be the most vulnerable I’ve written yet, but I’ve learned that sharing the real conversations is what makes this community meaningful. So here it goes.
Two years ago, Elaine (our CEO at Crown Affair) and I started working with an executive coach named Dr. Faith Cohen, PhD (no relation — though many of the most important people in my life happen to be Cohens). Since then, she’s taken us on a challenging, beautiful, and transformative journey to become the best leaders and people we can be for our team and for each other.
Working with Faith alongside Elaine has opened space for real growth — personal expansion, energetic release, learning to trust, and discovering what it means to live from abundance. Most of this executive coaching work has been done through talking, which is powerful and clarifying. You have breakthroughs, and sometimes they stick — but often they don’t clear and heal the deeper patterns, because talk alone doesn’t access the limbic brain (more on that below). And I knew I needed more than talking things through in my temporal lobe — I needed a full rewiring of my nervous system.
Before we get into Brainspotting, why I did it, and how it changed my life, we need to admit a real truth: starting a business requires a little bit (okay, a lot) of delusion.
I joke about it (cue the Legally Blonde line: “Happy people just don’t shoot their husbands!”), but really, people who are perfectly happy just don’t start companies! Or maybe some do, but to sustain it, you often have to be proving something — to yourself, to others. Many of my closest friends, and even my husband (aka Bubs), don’t have that entrepreneurial itch. And I think it’s because they deeply, authentically love themselves. Not just surface-level confidence, but real self-assurance and safety in who they are. They don’t feel a compulsion to start something to prove their worth; they already know they’re worthy.
For me, part of my drive has always been wanting to be more than I thought I was. A lot of it comes from my dad, who loves me endlessly, but has lived his life through fear and scarcity (can you blame him? The Jewish side of my family carries deep generational trauma). On one hand, it’s a gift. He did his best — he kept me sharp, always a few steps ahead, instilling the belief that everything — except your mind — can be taken away in an instant. That mindset, that ambition, got me here. But, as I’ve gotten older, and as Crown Affair has matured, I’ve realized: it won’t get me where I need to go.
I’m not burnt out. But, my nervous system? Shot.
I was at a point where seeing something on Instagram at the wrong moment could send me spiraling into a shame loop about not being enough.
And, here’s the paradox: logically, I know I’m doing great. We’ve built something from the ground up. I’ve been with the love of my life since 2013, my family and friends are healthy, I travel, I create — a lot of the boxes are checked. And still, that deep wiring wasn’t working anymore. I knew the what of my issues (we’d talked and talked about them).
What I needed was a subconscious nervous system reset.
Enter: Brainspotting.
So, What Exactly Is Brainspotting?
Brainspotting is a therapeutic method developed by David Grand, PhD, in the early 2000s. It’s considered a brain–body therapy because it works directly with the nervous system as well as the mind to process trauma, stress, and emotional blocks that often live below conscious thought.
The basics:
The core idea is simple: where you look affects how you feel.
During a session, a therapist helps you find “brainspots” — specific eye positions linked to unprocessed memories, emotions, or body sensations. Sometimes it’s discovered by following your gaze with a pointer; other times it’s noticing subtle reflexes like a blink, a twitch, or a change in breath.
Once the spot is located, you hold your gaze there while allowing whatever comes up — body sensations, emotions, thoughts — to surface.
Staying with that point helps the brain and body process what’s been stuck, often bypassing the rational, storytelling part of the brain and accessing deeper layers of healing.
What it’s used for:
Brainspotting is used to treat trauma (both acute PTSD and long-term developmental trauma), anxiety, depression, and performance anxiety. It’s also been used for creative or athletic blocks, and even chronic pain where emotional patterns play a role.
What it feels like:
Sessions are quiet, surprisingly gentle, and deeply internal. Unlike traditional talk therapy, you’re not asked to relive or retell the painful story over and over — instead, you stay present with your body’s felt sense. Many people describe it as accessing something “beneath words,” and shifts often happen more quickly than with talk therapy alone.
Compared to EMDR:
Brainspotting is often compared to EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) since both use eye positions to access the brain. But Brainspotting is less rigid and more client-led. EMDR follows a structured protocol of bilateral stimulation, while Brainspotting allows the body to guide the process in a more organic, intuitive way. Many therapists actually integrate both.
What’s happening to your brain during a Brainspotting session, explained by Faith directly (I paraphrased for clarity):
You can’t access the limbic brain — the amygdala or hippocampus — through talking. When we talk, we’re primarily activating the temporal lobe, where our language centers live. To truly access the mid-brain, the deep limbic system where trauma is stored, you need something different.
This is where bilateral stimulation comes in. It’s the hallmark of trauma-release techniques. Through sound or movement, you’re stimulating both sides of the body and sending signals across the corpus callosum — the bridge between the brain’s hemispheres. This keeps the frontal lobe online.
For our session, I listened to this bilateral sound healing playlist the entire time gently in the background.
Why does that matter? When the amygdala fires, it shuts off the frontal cortex to respond to danger. That’s useful if you’re being chased by a saber-tooth tiger — you don’t want to analyze, you just want to run. But in daily life, when old triggers send us into fight-or-flight, the shutdown isn’t helpful. Bilateral stimulation allows the frontal cortex to stay engaged while you process what’s stored in the limbic system.
And here’s the powerful part: once a trigger is cleared, it’s cleared. In talk therapy, you may understand your patterns but still find yourself repeating them — because the limbic system hasn’t been accessed. In Brainspotting, you’re literally rewiring.
The neurons in your limbic system are making new connections to your frontal cortex. By changing the way a memory is processed, the protein structure of that memory shifts — that’s neuroplasticity.
Our brains are incredibly bendy — capable of rewiring in both positive and negative directions. Once you’ve processed and released, the memory remains, but it no longer activates you. Your body doesn’t respond as if it’s dangerous anymore.
That’s the impact: you’re not just understanding the story. You’re rewiring the system.
At the end of July, I flew to Boulder for a 2-day intensive with Faith, who was one of the first to train directly under Dr. David Grand, and someone incredibly intuitive in her executive coaching work with founders and CEOs. In simplified terms, we mapped my life visually: the places where I feel safe, the places where I feel love. Then we built an “elevator” of my triggers — each floor a different spiral I tend to ride down — and she gave me the tools to step off before the drop.
Because she knows me so well, she also wove in practices like nature bathing and intentional time outdoors. As a deeply visual person, having those physical anchors was essential for mapping and connecting the brain spots.
In the most magical way— I haven’t been the same since. Ask Elaine, ask Bubs, ask my friends — I’m still me, but lighter. My energy is back. I feel authentically abundant. I don’t punish myself for not being enough or not having enough. And if something does trigger me, I now have the tools to move through it. My code is different.
After years of talking about what I want to shift, this specific modality has been the key to real change for me. I’m forever grateful to Faith — for how she’s supported me, for how she’s supported Elaine, and for how profoundly she’s shaped my life. That’s the thing about entrepreneurship: it’s never just a business journey. It’s equally the personal journey you’re called to walk.
Crown Affair has been the vehicle for so much growth and abundance in my life. It’s been insanely challenging and also the most fun I’ve ever had. If you’re starting a business, or thinking about it, know this: you’re not just building a company. You’re signing up to become a new human along the way. And for that, I’m endlessly grateful.
If you’re a founder or CEO and you feel stuck — or simply know you’re ready for a reset — reach out to Dr. Faith (drfaithcohen.com) or ask an executive coach or the therapist in your life if this might be a fit for you.
Take your time, and take care, always,
Dianna
And now…
Three Things I Love:
De la Heart Padel — I’ve been using this since early pandemic days, and it deserves another shout-out as the OG. Lymphatic drainage rituals are so important (I swear by daily gua sha for my face), and this is essentially that—but for the body.
Leatherology A5 Refillable Croc Journal — This is the journal I use every single day for Morning Pages. Beautiful, practical, and far more elevated than its price would suggest. I love that it’s refillable—once I finish a pad, I just slip in a new one and keep the same cover. It travels everywhere with me and somehow still looks brand new. Also: the perfect gift. Skip the candle or bottle of wine—my go-to is The Towel or a customized version of this journal.
Comme Si x Coppola Hideaway Pants — My girl Jenni keeps the hits coming, and this time with my forever It girl, Sofia Coppola. The Coppola Hideaways collab is perfection. I live in my pink set/pair and just picked up the green stripe—constantly on rotation.
A Haircare Tip: A Fall Reset for Your Hair
If you’re new-ish here, hi—I’m Dianna, founder of Crown Affair. I started this brand as a love letter to everyone who’s ever felt disempowered by their hair. For years, I was using salon products that “worked,” but often left my hair compromised or required expert styling on the back end. I wanted something different: the no-makeup makeup of haircare. Formulas rooted in daily ritual—efficacious, intuitive, clean, and a joy to use. Haircare should be something you look forward to, as exciting as your skincare or makeup routine. That’s been our mission from the beginning: award-winning formulas and handmade tools to transform not only the health of your hair, but your relationship with it.
It’s all about the art of taking your time and making haircare a beautiful ritual. With that, let’s talk about a fall hair reset.
Just like our lives shift with the season, your hair benefits from a reset in the fall. In the summer I’m all about ‘Doing Summer, Not Your Hair’ — meaning, using less heat nd leaning into the art of the air dry. Sometimes summer leaves behind buildup—sunscreen, salt water, sweat—that can weigh strands down. Fall is the perfect moment to clear the slate and start fresh:
Clarify + cleanse — Begin with a gentle clarifying wash to remove buildup and let your scalp breathe. The Cleansing Scrub is a cult favorite for a reason: it lifts away residue without stripping, leaving hair soft, fluffy, and weightless—as if you just got a blowout. Think of it as a detox for your scalp, and the perfect way to stretch an extra few days before your next wash (pair it with our Allure Best of Beauty–winning talc-free, aerosol free Dry Shampoo).
Hydrate deeply — Cooler air means drier hair. Add in a weekly treatment with The Renewal Mask to restore softness and shine, and when you get out of the shower, apply a few pumps of The Leave-In Conditioner for weightless hydration, frizz control, natural heat protection, and that Crown Affair shine. Pro tip: it works beautifully on both wet and dry hair, so use it for a day-two or day-three refresh.
Repair as you rest — The Overnight Repair Serum is clinically proven to repair your hair while you sleep. No rinse require, apply it on dry hair to strengthen, hydrate, and restore flexibility to your strands, so you wake up with healthier, softer hair.
Lean into ritual — Brushing before bed, massaging oil into your ends, sleeping on a silk pillowcase, and reaching for a hair towel-post shower to prevent frizz, breakage, and dry your hair in a fraction of the time —these small gestures add up, and over time they transform the way your hair looks and feels.
Your hair is always shifting with the seasons. Fall is about returning to center—nourishing, resetting, and creating the foundation for what’s ahead. For more tips and tricks, come hang with me below.
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I’m intrigued, tysm for sharing!
P.S. Deeply relate to having something to prove and an anxiety-inducing Jewish father
wow. i feel exposed & validated …in the best way. thank you for being so vulnerable, Dianna! this year, i’ve come to the conclusion that building a business is truly about finding *yourself* and sometimes it makes me feel selfish—but the reality is that it is this deep need to feel worthy. i also get it from my dad (who is a biz owner himself) i often look at my husband & friends and feel slightly jealous that they dont have this constant itch and obsession with *creating* something; i consider them lucky. but, its hard to imagine my life without this chaotic, challenging journey of self-discovery & beautiful creation that is of service to others! at least i know im not the only one —and thank YOU for creating crown affair! X